rottingroses

Hey, so I've been gone a while and in AO3 writers notes fashion I'm going to drop the tragic backstory. So two days before I moved out my dog was put down. This wasn't a planned thing, we had been talking about it but I wasn't aware it was happening that day. I knew Luna had an appointment at the vet and that my parents were coming to pick her up (she was staying with me because they moved out a week before me and so I was in our now empty old place alone). Turns out dad did a shit job of explaining what the appointment was bless him. So that morning they came early and spoke to me about it- I cried, like a big baby, because obviously I didn't realise what was happening. My mum said 'it might not happen today but I have a feeling it will, its all down to the vets assessment' And I had had the feeling the night before Luna my pup was sort of saying goodbye. She normally slept in a crate bed and that night and the night before she WOULDN'T settle until she could lay on the floor cuddling me while I slept (very unlike her) . So that was my main tipoff. In her last days she got very playful and puppy-like again which is a phenomenon that happens in some humans who are dying. They get a burst of energy and seem completely normal, it's referred to as 'Terminal Lucidity' anyways I digress. She had that. But back to the day of, as my parents and I stand there in what was once our home, now an empty shell my mum asks me 'Do you want to come with us?'. Turns out that is one of the hardest decisions you have to make, whether or not to watch your dog, your world, die. I cried some more, and after some panic made the decision not to go. Because it was uncertain I couldn't handle being there. She then asked if I wanted her to text and let me know or just come back either way and I'd find out like that. Forty minutes to an hour later my front door opens and my parents walk in. Silent. They come in to the empty living room and Luna isn't there. 'She was ready to go, she laid down before the needle was even fully in.' I won't lie to you dearest readers, I diddn't have some big reaction. I cried and said something I hadn't in years 'I need my mummy'. And thats all I said and did. After that and since aside from a few tears here and there I have felt nothing. I've been happy even, not constantly but I have felt happiness. And part of me feels I'm doing it all wrong, that I should be heartbroken and devastated, that I am grieving wrong. But readers, I am not. Grief isn't linear but this hasn't affected me as much as I thought it would, because I was ready. I'm grateful the timing was what it was, the move kept my mind off of the worst of it. I've not sung her lullaby since, or looked at pictures of her, but I am in my new home, and I don't have to feel her absence as much as I would have if I still lived at the old place. Walls carry memories, spaces carry meaning, and I can leave those walls to hold her, and close that chapter. I don't know if I can do daily blog updates, but I will update where I can. In happier news, the 'My Home' section will recieve some updates in the near future with pictures of my space and maybe some links to stuff if you want? I don't know yet. I love you all, thank you for reading. xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 21:23

Today was uneventful (when isnt it) but I'll tell you what, here in the UK we had an EAS alert go to all of our phones and it scared me so bad! I didn't do too much today as I'm seeing Lewis Capaldi live tomorrow so that is going to floor me!! I did pack a box though x Ok thats all for today, thanks for reading!! xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 21:23

WOOOOOOO we hit 300 views on the page!!! So proud! Today was spent packing more, dealing with people from facebook again and working on some pretty cool stuff for mine and my best friends music project! Overall it's been a pretty solid day!! Thats really all I have for ya today, as its a lot of the same but I wish you all the best day, I love you lots! Thanks for reading xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 23:40

Hello my darlings! Hope you have all had a wonderful day! Today was a bit productive! I got another box packed and uploaded a bunch of stuff to the local facebook so I've been dealing with people all day which isn't exactly my passion but hey it needs doing! I had some really nice fries and garlic ciabatta for dinner, I can't remember what I ate other than that though haha!! I also worked with my best friend on our joint music project which is pretty cool!!! Thats all from today, I adore you all, thanks for reading!! xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @20:52

Hello my darlings, apologies for disappearing the past two days I was very busy seeing my super cool friends and did not have my laptop! It was an eventful couple of days but fun none the less! I went to the party early to help set up and it was really nice seeing my friend one on one before! I met so many new people at the party it was amazing! I did break up with my partner over the weekend but the party gave me a good distraction. I may have met a super pretty girl- and had my first house party kiss. As well as that was my first proper house party!! Anyways, onto today! I got home at like 7pm yesterday as I stayed the night at my friends and then met up with one of my best friends ever to debrief as is our tradition <3 So today I've been in bed recovering! Thats all for today my loves, thanks for reading!!! xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 20:30

I just downed a bottle of water like a three year old- Hello my loves! How are you! Things are a bit different today, I want to recommend you a song later on. I will link it at the bottom of this post xx Anyways, I had a nice day today! I showered, which is normally difficult due to my chronic pain but now I feel wonderful. I've packed all of my bags for my friends birthday party tomorrow. I'm incredibly excited to see her as I really value her and she is very whimsical. This does mean I might not upload tomorrow, as I will be very busy but if I remember I will write a blog post in my notes app and just upload when I'm home. I built the step stool I stained the other day it looks so beautiful! (You will see pictures of it in my 'my home' section when I move house x) Unfortunately thats all I got up to today as showering takes a lot out of me but it was a lovely day! Maybe I will write some blog things in the morning tomorrow who knows! Ok here is the link I told you about earlier:

Have a wonderful rest of your day, thanks for reading!! xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 21:00

Today wasn't eventful. I've been just enjoying my peace. I spoke to my family for a while but other than that I've just been resting. I love days like this, and I feel as though I need another, so tomorrow will most likely be similar. That's all for today, I love you all xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 16:22

Today was a bit more busy! I got another load of laundry done, as well as quite a few boxes out of my room giving me space to pack more! It's raining as I write this and it's awfully comforting. I'm still in pain, but less and I was able to stand for long enough to pack another 2 boxes and move them into a cupboard out of the way! I loaded the dishwasher as well :) I got given a few more things for my flat that my parents don't want for their new place and I quite like everything I got!! I'm gonna try relax and sleep quite early tonight and just enjoy the rain so I can get more done tomorrow!! Overall today has been pretty nice, I finished the day with a pizza that had pepperoni, goats cheese, tomato and sweetcorn on it from dominos (VERY YUMMY) I might have forgotten stuff but I don't think so? Ok that's all from me, love you all xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 19:49

It is SO WARM I might perish tbh. My cramps are still bad but I god a little more done again, I made a start on organising my art stuff so its not a nightmare to deal with unpacking when I get to the new place. The stuff I've finished organising is in a box!! My laundry from yesterday smelt damp so I had to put it back for another wash :/ I can't wait to use a dryer that works consistently. I noticed that theres new stuff on lurk, like feeding your pet uses food now? I don't quite understand how to get more food or if this is gonna be a paywall thing but I really hope not. Anyways thats all for today, love you lots!! xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 16:54

It has been raining today, which I always adore. The smell of petrichor is strong and it brings me a great comfort. I'm still in pain from the cramps but not as badly. Got some more done today, I booked my train ticket to go to my friends birthday, did a load of laundry and wrapped her presents. I'm quite excited to see her!! Other than that I played some guitar (I'm trying to come up with a new chord progression that I can play) and laid in bed to help my cramps out a touch. Thats all for today, I love you all so much xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 18:41

Hello loves, today was semi productive but my cramps are much worse today :( I actually took a photo of what I was up to today. I was staining a wooden stool for my new place :) Ill put in the picture now, thats all for today as I'm a little brainfried x Love you all! xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 19:27

Happy first day of the month! Aunt Flo's visit is in full swing, and boy is she painful. Moving on from that, today has been pretty uneventful. I got a box packed, but am still surrounded by stuff and more boxes that need stuff in them after I condensed some into one box. I know if I just focused I could get it all done but that seems nearly impossible right about now. It's a nice day outside, I haven't left the comfort of my home but I've kept my curtains open to let some light in. I'm starting to realise just how busy I will be this month and while I'm looking forward to whats to come, I'm terrified I won't have enough time to get everything done. I know I'll figure it out though, I usually do. Ok thats all from me today, love you all xoxo RottingRoses - Posted @ 18:40

Aunt Flo has arrived and I am not happy about it. I didn't sleep until at least four AM last night (hardly ideal), so I awoke at eleven o'clock? Perhaps? I can't really remember. I managed to pack up some of my old sketchbooks and art before I noticed Flo's arrival, after which I promptly resigned myself to working on my page instead of packing. I can't really tell if I like what I've done or not though. Aside from working on the page I told one of my lovely friends about lurk.me, (didn't mention my username though) and she thinks it's super cool!!! Turns out, she also knows me so well that she could immediately tell which page was mine. She said 'if this isn't you, it's VERY you' so I can't lie I feel quite seen and loved. I've not eaten much today, I keep forgetting to. I'm going to have some greek food for dinner though, so hopefully that will be good. I might write about it later but who knows. - Posted @ 19:53